Wednesday, December 31, 2008

New Year's Eve

We are getting together with 2 other couples for a quiet New Year's Eve tonight. I am very excited because I finally get to use a gift I have wanted to use since our friend Teri gave it to me last Christmas: a Chocolate Fountain. Now I know what some of you are thinking.....why in the world would someone give a chocolate fountain to someone who cannot eat sweets? It is actually a bit of a "gag gift", and here is the story:

A couple of years ago, we went to a Halloween party with a bunch of friends.
I hate costume parties. I always hated dressing up for Halloween when I was a kid. Along with clowns and ventriloquists, nothing gives me the willies like the idea of dressing up for a costume party. I searched far and wide for a costume that would fit my personality without making me terribly uncomfortable. I found one a few years ago that I have used every Halloween since: Middle Aged White Guy, (or as Whitney says, "bald middle aged white guy"). It usually consists of jeans and a shirt. it is not terribly creative, but it gets me through the night without developing a rash.

We had just arrived at the party. Tracy and all our friends had wonderful costumes, and I was dressed as.......well, me. I had varied my costume that year by adding a classy touch......a gray jacket from a suit I had just bought for a robust $6 at a second hand store. Don't was like new and sharp.

As we greeted friends and settled into our seats, Tracy asked me to go get her a slice of lime for her Corona. I headed off for the kitchen area. When I got there, I noticed a chocolate fountain on the counter. We had been to this place many times, but this was the first time for a fountain. I grabbed Tracy a slice of lime, and headed back to the table. A few minutes later, Teri noticed something on the table cloth in front of me that looked like chocolate. Upon further inspection, we realized that in getting the lime, I had accidentally put my arm in the chocolate fountain, and my new jacket was covered in chocolate. REALLY covered. Luckily, none had gotten on my white shirt, so I carefully took the jacket off and put it in the car in hopes a dry cleaner could undo the damage.

I went back inside to join our group. Before long, Tracy asked me to get her another lime.....which I did. When I returned to the table, someone pointed out that I had chocolate on my shirt. My first thought was that it had come from the table cloth, but it was quite obvious in a bout of utter stupidity, I had done the EXACT same thing again and stuck my arm into the chocolate fountain reaching for the lime.

Now to stick your arm in a chocolate fountain you know is there once takes a certain level of stupidity. To do so twice brings into play a stupidity that boggles the mind. But welcome to my world.

Luckily I had another shirt in the car, so I put the dirty shirt with the dirty jacket and went back into the party. When I did I looked closer at the jacket. The chocolate had hardened and my jacket was now as stiff as if it had been deep frozen. (As an aside....the chocolate did come out of both the jacket and the shirt, but cleaning it cost more than the suit cost in the first place. Of course, since I only paid $6, so that was no hard task.)

I went back inside. I told Tracy that from now on, she could get her own damn lime slices. Of course this did little to keep my friends from teasing me all night (and the 15 months since). I tried to put a positive spin on it by saying it was a new costume variation: "chocolate covered middle aged white guy", but they were not buying it. The final blow came when I got the chocolate fountain to always remind me (as if I would forget).

So tonight, I will finally get to use the chocolate fountain Teri bought me. Needless to say, I will be taking several extra shirts to our New Years Eve get together......and Tracy will be getting her own limes.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Back To The Real world

We are back from a great week in Disney World. Back to the real world of doing laundry, shopping for food and work for me (Tracy is off for another week still). Sorry no blog posts while we were away, but we never bothered to turn on the laptop while we were there. I did get some fodder for some future posts and hope to get to that in a day or two.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Abby Smile For The Day

I guess our Christmas Card was a hit. We wanted it to say something like "Have a Great Christmas, Doggonit", but there was not enough room.

Several people asked us how we got Abby to wear the reindeer antlers. The fact is, Abby wi
ll do just about anything for a treat. The antlers were no problem. They have bells, and every time we shake them she gets very excited and wants to wear them so she can get her treat.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

State Champs!

We interrupt the normal ramblings of this blog for an important announcement:
Whitney's pom team won the State Pom Competition!

Needless to say, she was very excited.

Here are a few pictures from an exciting day.
(remember to click them to make them bigger)

Whitney is on the far right

Who knew Whitney could fly?

"I think we might have won!"

"We Won!!!"

Norman High School
2008 State Champs

Friday, December 12, 2008

Very Late Rocky Horror Recap

I know I am WAY behind on this, but here is the long promised Rocky Horror Picture Show Recap.....along with a twist that fits right into the theory of this blog that funny things happen in my life.

The show started with a rock band performing the songs from the movie. They were dressed for the occasion, and by the third song the lead singer was wearing just underwear and fishnets. They were also very LOUD. After the cast was picked from the audience, we practiced the Time Warp and got our props ready for the movie. It was a great night of people watching, and I can confirm that our group participated in the fun of recreating the movie. We danced, threw rice during the wedding scene, and put newspaper over our heads to protect ourselves from our squirt gun induced rain storm.

Now here is the funny part:

Right before the movie started, I made one last quick trip to the restroom. In the lobby I ran into Karena. She and her husband Eric do all the work on our computers. They are a little younger than us, and very sweet, mild mannered computer geeks. She asked if I had seen Eric. I told her I hadn't. She said, "oh yes you did.....he was the lead singer of the band that played".

If you don't understand how funny this is, try this exercise: Think of Erkel. Now imagine Erkel fronting a rock band while wearing a thong and fishnets. Now imagine you know actually know Erkel, and that he was sitting in your office yesterday. It was THAT funny.

I went back to our seats and told our group that Tracy and I knew the singer in the pantyhose and high heels. Tracy rolled with laughter and our friends were very impressed that we know such interesting people.

Employee Of The Day

I stopped into McDonald's the other day while running errands to grab a bite to eat. I had an interesting exchange with a worker there. I am guessing I appreciated her honestly more than her supervisors would. Here is our conversation. Please note she had no noticeable personality or energy.....pure "straight man".

Her: Can I help you?
Me: Double Cheeseburger please.
Her: That will be 1.29.
Me: I thought it was a dollar.
Her: It is no longer on the dollar menu. We have the McDouble now.
Me: What is that?
Her: Same thing as a double cheeseburger, but with only one piece of cheese.
Me: You're kidding me?
Her: No.
Me: So they want 20 cents for one piece of cheese?
Her: I guess so.
Me: Does it make that much of a difference?
Her: I don't know, I never had one.
Me: You ought to try one sometime.
Her: I would never eat the food here.

Yes.....she said that. So I bought my McDouble and left. Needless to say her lack of personality and sense of humor makes her a prime candidate to move into the exciting world of Convenience Store Cashiers.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Christmas Specials

While setting the DVR to tape a few of our favorite Christmas specials, a thought hit me: we don't watch a single Christmas special made since my childhood.
I am sure there have been good holiday specials made since then, but I have not felt the need to watch them. We stick to the classics. I am sorry: "Sponge Bob Christmas" does not get me in the Yuletide mood.

The only post 70s classic I can come up with is very personal: Muppet Family Christmas. Although made in the late 80s, the Muppets are creatures of the 70s. This was Whitney's favorite when she was little (she especially liked Fozzy's bad jokes), and my guess is that she watched it approximately 5,000 times between the ages of 3 and 5. It would have driven me crazy if not for the fact that it gave me a break from Barney.

Of course, I realize nostalgia is the only thing that makes something a classic. There is no other way to explain my affection for Emmet Otter's Jug Band Christmas. Think about it: you got Kermit The Frog, singing rodents and a talent show won by a band with a bear, a snake and a weasel. I love it and watch it every year.....but are otters any more "Christmas" than a talking sponge? maybe just a little.

I for one choose to embrace my childhood nostalgia when it comes to Christmas.
The networks can crank out dozens of new holiday specials. But in my house, it is not Christmas until:
- The Grinch carves the roast beast
- Rudolph leads Santa's sleigh
- Kris Kringle outwits Burgermeister Meisterburger
- Heat Miser and Snow Miser duke it out
- Linus reminds everyone what this whole thing is all about

At that point, all that I need is a fire in the fireplace and Andy Williams' Christmas Album on the stereo.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

My Spider Web

I had to sit around a empty house all day while carpet was being installed, so I wanted to have Internet access. I had to find a way to get the modem and router up off the floor while they worked. I came up with a system involving bungee cords and a window frame.

This is either proof of my utter brilliance, or a sign I need to stop watching My Big Redneck Wedding. Tracy and Whitney voted for the latter.

I have a theory that you can fix almost anything with WD 40 or Duct Tape. I might put bungee cords in that group. Rednecks love duct tape.....I even saw one show where they used duct tape to keep a wedding dress from splitting.

Monday, December 1, 2008

New Carpet

We are getting new carpet today. The carpet guys are here working as I type this. Tracy and Whitney have been after me to post to the blog, so I thought about doing a entry related to that. Maybe a list of things I should or should not do while they are doing the carpet. I am not sure how that list will go, but I am fairly sure naked hot tubbing on the back porch is out.