New Year's Eve

We are getting together with 2 other couples for a quiet New Year's Eve tonight. I am very excited because I finally get to use a gift I have wanted to use since our friend Teri gave it to me last Christmas: a Chocolate Fountain. Now I know what some of you are thinking.....why in the world would someone give a chocolate fountain to someone who cannot eat sweets? It is actually a bit of a "gag gift", and here is the story:

A couple of years ago, we went to a Halloween party with a bunch of friends. I hate costume parties. I always hated dressing up for Halloween when I was a kid. Along with clowns and ventriloquists, nothing gives me the willies like the idea of dressing up for a costume party. I searched far and wide for a costume that would fit my personality without making me terribly uncomfortable. I found one a few years ago that I have used every Halloween since: Middle Aged White Guy, (or as Whitney says, "bald middle aged white guy"). It usually consists of jeans and a shirt. OK...so it is not terribly creative, but it gets me through the night without developing a rash.

We had just arrived at the party. Tracy and all our friends had wonderful costumes, and I was dressed as.......well, me. I had varied my costume that year by adding a classy touch......a gray jacket from a suit I had just bought for a robust $6 at a second hand store. Don't laugh....it was like new and sharp.

As we greeted friends and settled into our seats, Tracy asked me to go get her a slice of lime for her Corona. I headed off for the kitchen area. When I got there, I noticed a chocolate fountain on the counter. We had been to this place many times, but this was the first time for a fountain. I grabbed Tracy a slice of lime, and headed back to the table. A few minutes later, Teri noticed something on the table cloth in front of me that looked like chocolate. Upon further inspection, we realized that in getting the lime, I had accidentally put my arm in the chocolate fountain, and my new jacket was covered in chocolate. REALLY covered. Luckily, none had gotten on my white shirt, so I carefully took the jacket off and put it in the car in hopes a dry cleaner could undo the damage.

I went back inside to join our group. Before long, Tracy asked me to get her another lime.....which I did. When I returned to the table, someone pointed out that I had chocolate on my shirt. My first thought was that it had come from the table cloth, but it was quite obvious in a bout of utter stupidity, I had done the EXACT same thing again and stuck my arm into the chocolate fountain reaching for the lime.

Now to stick your arm in a chocolate fountain you know is there once takes a certain level of stupidity. To do so twice brings into play a stupidity that boggles the mind. But welcome to my world.

Luckily I had another shirt in the car, so I put the dirty shirt with the dirty jacket and went back into the party. When I did I looked closer at the jacket. The chocolate had hardened and my jacket was now as stiff as if it had been deep frozen. (As an aside....the chocolate did come out of both the jacket and the shirt, but cleaning it cost more than the suit cost in the first place. Of course, since I only paid $6, so that was no hard task.)

I went back inside. I told Tracy that from now on, she could get her own damn lime slices. Of course this did little to keep my friends from teasing me all night (and the 15 months since). I tried to put a positive spin on it by saying it was a new costume variation: "chocolate covered middle aged white guy", but they were not buying it. The final blow came when I got the chocolate fountain to always remind me (as if I would forget).

So tonight, I will finally get to use the chocolate fountain Teri bought me. Needless to say, I will be taking several extra shirts to our New Years Eve get together......and Tracy will be getting her own limes.