to blog, or not to blog...

As my friends and family know, I can get on a roll when talking. In fact I may ramble more than any other socially inept introvert in the world. I have a running commentary in my mind at all times. I find the things that happen around me funny, interesting, and downright fascinating.

Odd things just seem to happen around me. Don’t believe me? Have you ever been groped by a midget, had exasperating experience at a UPS Store, or hit on by a 60 year old woman at fund raising dinner at the state capital?

I have told these stories over the years, but I can never remember who has heard them and who has not. Friends and family have urged me for several years to begin a blog to pull some of these stories together. I have resisted it because I am the last human being on earth that should have a blog. With my obsessions and personality, here is what would happen:

1. I would obsess about the "look" of it. I would work for hours to get just the right background and deciding on what pictures to put in it. Just picking a font might provide me HOURS of trial and error.

2. I would struggle for hours about who to share it with. When I did invite someone, I would immediately begin obsessing about how they reacted to the invitation. Will they look at it or not. If they do look at it, are they really interested or just doing it because they don’t want to hurt my feelings? And what does it mean if they DON”T look at it. “Sigh”.

3. Once I decided what my first post will be, I would begin writing it. Then it would be rewritten and rewritten to death to get it just right. I have a hard time letting go. A REALLY HARD TIME. If I was an author, my editor would actually have to bring a SWAT team in to rip a manuscript from my hands before it would ever get published.

4. After spending hours rewriting my first post, I would then obsess whether I should actually post it or not. Is it too long? Is it funny? What did I forget? That “send” button would just sit there taunting me.

5. If I actually DID decide to post it, I would immediately be filled with dread. Maybe I should not have posted it. It could have been better with just one rewrite. What if nobody actually reads it? Even worse……what if someone DOES read it? What will they think? How do I delete a post before someone sees it? I just want to die.

6. I will then begin logging in 500 times a day to see how many people have viewed my blog post. Why has everyone not read it and left a comment that they liked it? Blogs and low self esteem are a toxic mix.

7. The next decision is when I should post again. If I don’t do it soon I will fall behind and let people down. If I do it too soon, do I look needy?

So this is my first blog post. It only took me 4 hours of editing to get it just right. I will wake up in a cold sweat tonight regretting posting it and have a 50% chance of deleting it in the morning. But if it is still here, I hope you enjoy it.